When the jealousy has butted... The jealousy Reasons. How to cease to be jealous? Ways of struggle

The moth does not ask a rose:
Whether who kissed you?
And the rose does not ask a moth:
Whether you courted at other rose?

G.Gejne

What is the jealousy?

Jealousy... In this trap men and women come across. Young both old. Married and free.

Children are jealous parents to each other. Native brothers and sisters are jealous. Employees are jealous the favourite chief. Men are jealous wives or favourite. Wives are jealous husbands or favourite. The dog is jealous the owner of his wife etc. the Phenomenon it many-sided and has set of different explanations.

Ljuta, as an underworld, jealousy;
Its arrows — arrows fiery;
It — plamen rather strong...

The jealousy is shown in the most different forms — with silent despair before loud charges, abuse and rukoprikladstva.

Whether there is something, what unites all these cases? Probably, is, and we will look for it.

First, always there is an object of love (or attachments) and jealousy.

Secondly, always there is someone (revnivets) who considers, that it has any rights to object of jealousy.

Thirdly, this most revnivets tests or fear, that its object of love (attachment, the property) can be lost, or irritation concerning that its object of attachment behaves in the unseemly image (takes pleasure also pleasant feelings «on the party»), or someone encroaches on it.

As we see, the jealousy is always shown in the form of negative emotions, therefore we have carried it to idealizatsijam.

The jealousy is old as the world. For this reason it seems, as disposal of it is not present any. But it is a myth. To discredit it, let's understand the nature of this feeling.

As always, interest causes a question on that, the jealousy whence undertakes. It is clear, that it not the virus and is not brought from the outside. It arises and grows in the person, more precisely, in his head as at the heart of jealousy any thoughts and ideas always lay. And here we at times receive thoughts from surrounding people, and in it they are similar to viruses.

In the original form the jealousy is an instinct. Animals and primacies it had simply an aggression which allowed to protect «» and thus to ego-trip, leave more posterities. The person as top of a divine plan, should outgrow this instinct. However many of us for the present remind a baboon, the aggressive grin and shouts driving away from the attracted female (male) of other individuals of a tribe. Present itself this light image.

Beautifully?

Often the jealousy is represented to us deep, ennobled, and the main thing, very drama feeling reflecting vulnerability, a subtlety of our soul and force of our love. Some even consider, that the jealousy is «a litmus paper» love thanks to which it is possible to check up, whether there is a love or not.

But... Are compelled to disappoint you.

It is an error. Anything ennobled and difficult in this feeling is not present. Moreover, the jealousy has no relation to love. More precisely, has, but not so such as we have got used to consider. Jealousy as that does not exist. Simply people have thought up this word to designate it "bouquet" from negative emotions which arise in a certain situation. What it for emotions?

First, the jealousy is a fear. Fear to lose that belongs to you "by right". This "right" gives:

• a stamp in the passport;

• presence of general children;

• «the best years», given to it (it);

• the relations which have developed between you (from joint residing to a compliment, told to you last week).

The jealousy is a fear of loss of the rights or the priority right to "property". And also the fear uteri the status "Unique" (or "Only thing"), Is fear, that someone else in this world will give to your favourite person pleasure or pleasure (about, horror!). Earlier you were this source of pleasure, and now it has appeared, that there are variants. To live, knowing, that for your favourite the world can be fine and without your participation, — that can be dosadnee! Simply any sense in a life is lost!

Also let's face the truth. Sometimes we are afraid to lose not the person, and that it gives to us: a habitual way of life, money, possibilities, the status, comfort. And the love any is not present for a long time already. And all it masks under jealousy.

Further. The jealousy is an envy. It is the most simple, plain envy. Are surprised? You never thought of jealousy herein? And meanwhile it so. Envy to that person of whom you are jealous the favourite.

Let's assume, the woman is jealous the partner of the girlfriend. It envies that as which consider as the competitor. Why? Because it manages that as you consider, should belong to you by right: its attention, admiration, enamoured sights, flirtation etc. Besides, almost for certain it envies its appeal. Unless such thoughts are not familiar to you: «it is possible, it is brighter than me, more beautifully, more successfully, more youngly, more sexually, it is better than me, and it can leave to it».

And even if your competitor is more senior you, nothing more beautifully and is not cleverer at all, all of you equally envy it, is simple to it is added also indignation: «Well where he looks?»

Moreover, you can envy and to the partner which you are jealous: he affords that for you is inadmissible. After all you too could be started up «in all heavy»! But is not present, you piously store fidelity, you love only it, and it meanwhile shows levity and immorality, enjoys a life! Simply shockingly!

Further. The jealousy is insult. You have deceived in the best expectations. Rascals. How they could? You put all soul in this person, and it... Has not estimated your love, has betrayed, has left to die, has thrown one on a destiny arbitrariness!

The best years of the woman is
The years devoted to the ungrateful man.

Sardonikus

The people idealising fidelity and morals are most jealous. The above moral shape of the person, the more difficult to it to accept that fact, that fidelity in the modern world — the phenomenon rare and to present itself or the spouse changing, above its forces. Naturally, Lives should be destroyed similar to idealisation, as a rule, through change or leaving of the spouse.

Game «a victim of the villain» or «a victim izmenshchitsy» is a favourite employment of many people. In this game play for years, connecting all possible expressive means: tears, depressions, scandals, silence, a mournful look, suicide threats Are etc. connected to this game and other people: children, parents, neighbours, friends, colleagues. A plot, as a rule, simple (look any serial), and roles and at all same.

·zhertva. It () the protagonist, the character deeply suffering.

• the Villain (Izmenshchitsa). At this hero can be two roles: or it is really dissolute type, or the fallen angel, caught in a net the artful temper.

I the Contender (competitor). It can be one, them can be a little.

I All the others share on a sympathising Victim or to the Villain.

As well as a multiseries serial, this game neskonchaema. Are played, yet will not bother. And if there is nothing to be engaged, in general, it is possible and to play till the end of a life.

Here of what almost nobody thinks: jealousy, fear to lose the control over favourite we draw it during the life, as a matter of fact, we provoke favourite on change.

The logic here is that. The woman argues: «It has tortured me the jealousy. Though a head about a wall fight, all the same he does not trust me. That so I bad, that edak the bad. Better I to it will change, though I learn, that this such». From here it is possible to draw a conclusion, that the jealousy is an idealisation of the control of world around. Revnivets aspires to supervise "half", where with whom and than she is engaged. It is clear, that such control irritates and causes revolt. The above the control, the is stronger desire controllable to leave from under it. For education of controllers in pair they manage people independent and freedom-loving.

At women at the heart of jealousy the fear to lose the favourite person, that is mistrust by the Life, to the future, to the partner more often lays. Whence there can be this fear? The bases for it there can be a set.

• It is an unshakable stereotype: «You should be unique for the man. While you are unique, you are favourite. As soon as you are not unique — you are unloved, you are humiliated, you are not necessary».

• It, how many (almost all) women understand love: «I love you, so to me be true, it will prove to me, that you too love me».

• It can be personal former experience when she had to leave with favourite — who through it did not pass?

• It is free councils of the surrounding people especially close which can advise to look after better to you for favourite — after all they too had a experience of changes, and they wish to save you from it.

• This information pressure of environment where in the form of films, books, jokes or simply household conversations the theme of man's incorrectness anyhow is constantly sucked round, changes, treachery is etc. clear, that is far not each woman (and the man) can try on to itself these ideas and reject them, not having made for itself sad conclusions.

• It is an instinct of continuation of a sort which demands to have the defender and the supporter (it is possible, only potential) for the child and consequently generates desire at any cost to save "property" from possible loss.

We usually do not realise all these factors, and they generate fear before the future unknown to us, and we start to struggle for the safety in the future, that is we are jealous. From the point of view of a technique of "a reasonable way», the fear before the future is idealisation of the control of world around, that is desire accurately to know the future. But, as is known, that if we do not trust the future, that is we feel fear before possible parting thereby we order Lives this parting. And the more we are afraid, the with bolshej probability our fears are realised.

At men the jealousy source can be same, that is it can be fear to lose the beloved. More often such fear meets at men weak, not self-assured, in the forces and possibilities to keep the beloved.

The part of men, especially successful, does not test special fear to lose the favourite. They are irritated with another — any attempt of other men to encroach on their property. So the leader in herd of monkeys (hens, deer, dogs and so forth) sexually satisfies the best females and does not suffer encroachments on them of other males. It regards such encroachment as disrespect, non-recognition of the authority and enters with them struggle.

Therefore at men with strongly shown instinct of leadership any attempt to encroach on its female (sorry, favourite) causes aggression and desire at any cost to defend the rights to it. Actually it is the same idealisation of the control of the world around, only shown not in the form of fear, and in the form of aggressive imposing to associates of the model of behaviour. Aggression can be directed on surrounding men who have dared to start talking or somehow still to encroach on your property (at times even mythical). But more often it is directed on the beloved, the blessing, it always near at hand and obviously will not hit back — so more safely.

At women the jealousy too quite often takes the form of aggressive behaviour, reproaches, long conflicts, attempts to limit freedom of the favourite person etc. That is and to it idealisation of the control in the form of aggressive imposing favourite at times is inherent in the model of behaviour.

Favourite people are favourite object of hatred.

Paul Moroz

As we see, the jealousy is one of forms of display of propensity of the person more often to supervise and another's life. It is clear, that a life — a thing very difficult, and at times there are other, more exotic bases for jealousy.

And now has come it is time to think of how it is possible to refuse this very unpleasant, persuasive and uncontrollable own model of behaviour.

Most likely, for disposal of jealousy it is possible to use all those receptions which are recommended for refusal of idealisation.

Let's consider variants of their application on an example of a concrete situation.

Olga, 43 years, three times was married. First two times has dispersed from husbands of that has ceased to test to it love. The third husband has left from it, exhausted with its jealousy. Third time she has married on strong love, but it is literally in a month began to feel fear to lose the favourite. It began to supervise on the sly the husband to check its pockets, notebooks, numbers of calls in a mobile phone etc. Any acknowledgement of changes was not, but the fear did not leave it. Who searches, that will find, and she has found out, that her husband looks at girls in the street when goes with it along the street or goes on the car.

It has strengthened its suspicions, and she gradually began to state to their husband. He did not understand, such suspicions whence undertook, and tried to address to its reason with arguments about groundlessness of its suspicions. But the jealousy, as well as love, completely disconnects the rational beginning (reason) at the person, and Olga was not an exception. Its suspicions accrued, claims increased. It began suit hysterics, accusing it in changes with the girlfriends, wives of friends etc. Some times it suited its jealousy rows directly in the company of acquaintances on parties. Eventually it has not sustained and has left.

Now Olga has a friend whom it meets about one year. Now it became object of jealousy for Olga because of what their relations began to worsen. Somehow he admitted to Olga that has changed to it, and has in detail answered its inquiries about change. They have quarrelled and have dispersed, but a month later Olga has not sustained, has called, and they have again started to meet. Hardly after its friend admitted, that he has invented this change, and now she does not know, it said lies or not. Olga's jealousy has amplified, and its friend periodically tells about other women, than causes flashes of its anger. When it is not present, she constantly feels fear, that it to it will not return. In general, the life with the favourite passes completely not boringly, but prospects of these relations absolutely sad.

How to leave such relations, how to cease to be jealous and spoil to itself private life? The answer to it a question can be given at several levels.

As is known, the person is a difficult and multidimensional being. And when he addresses for the help to doctors, psychologists or healers, they can influence its different components. We will explain these statements on an example of such phenomenon, as jealousy.

For example, if attacks of jealousy you were got also by you do not know, how them to calm down, you can address to the doctor-psychotherapist. If the jealousy is shown at you in the form of wild fits of anger it can register to you a strong calming medicine. Having had a drink its some time, you can become silent and languid, absolutely everything will cease to excite you, including behaviour of the favourite person (approximately so treat in psychiatric clinics). The medicine (chemical substance), got to blood, will brake all vital processes, including jealousy.

But such way of struggle against jealousy of very few people arranges, as along with passivity in relation to favourite you will concern so passively work, money etc. to Very few people will voluntary want to conduct a life such "vegetative" life.

It is possible to register and more humane means: the massages calming bathing and other, but they usually help revnivtsu, as dead poultices.

By means of alcohol we do not consider a standard way of a relaxation because of heavy consequences of application of this way — social dezadaptatsii, that is losses of work, a family and all other.

Therefore it is better to treat jealousy at other levels.

The jealousy, especially when it is shown not in depressive, and in the aggressive form, gives to the person original excitation. It is clear, that it not a high from a survival after deadly threat and at all a high from sexual orgazma, but too anything to itself excitation. Having tested it several times, the person unconsciously aspires to test these sharp sensations more and more (so rock-climbers all climb and climb in mountains behind sharp sensations, mind perfectly understanding as it is dangerous).

So jealousy attacks give revnivtsu an original high in a life, especially if it does not have other sources of sharp sensations (other charkas at it are closed). Therefore it can meaningly aspire to get rid of jealousy attacks, and will unconsciously aspire to test them again and again.

If to return to a considered example with Olga it obviously takes pleasure, supervising that the husband, favourite (when the husband has not sustained and has run away). She does not realise it, but aspires to feel energy of the control of times from time And pleasure which it receives from jealousy attacks, can be more than pleasure from sex (the second chakra is not opened). If it ceases to receive excitation from jealousy attacks also the jealousy will cease to be for it not realised pleasure. It is clear, that simultaneously she needs to learn somehow to take pleasure in other spheres of a life (to open other charkas) or to switch the control to other sphere of a life (for example, on a policy), having left favourite in rest.

At the heart of jealousy exaggeration (idealisation) of the possibilities more often lays to supervise behaviour of surrounding people. Idealisation, as is known, are characterised by typical negative thoughts which then generate corresponding sad emotions. What it think? Not so it is a lot of them.

Thoughts of type «the World is unreliable. I do not know, whether will be my favourite with me tomorrow. I am afraid, that it to me will change (will leave, will throw, will stop loving). I should keep it at any cost! I cannot live without it! I cannot keep it!» Sometimes they are supplemented with thoughts of type «I is unworthy its love. I am too ugly (is old, I weigh much, neumna etc.) for it. He necessarily will throw me!», which testify also to presence at you idealisation of the imperfection.

Such or about such thoughts generate fears and attempts following from them to keep favourite (which thus does not leave anywhere!), necessity of the control over it, findings-out of relations and as an inevitable consequence, love loss.

Other type of thoughts is characteristic for the people showing jealousy in the form of the authoritative control: «As she dares to talk (to look, breathe, call, communicate) to other man! It should not so to do! It belongs only to me, and nobody dares to encroach on it!» It is clear, that such thoughts and emotions following from them too do not promote love maintenance, that is revnivets as a result receives opposite to volume to what aspires.

Opening a case, all is better
At first to knock!

Andrey Kivinov

To cease to be jealous, it is necessary to make so that these thoughts have ceased to arise in your head. It is very difficult, but is possible at certain efforts. This method is called "self-programming", and it consists that you many time repeat about yourselves (copy many times, speak to associates, sing through) the positive statements opposite on sense to thoughts, generating jealousy.

In a case when the jealousy generates fears before possible separation, it is recommended to repeat many times about itself following statements: «I trust the Life and the favourite person. I know, that at me all is and will be remarkable. I allow favourite to make any choice, I give it full freedom. I know, that he has already chosen me, means, I — the best for it! I know, that my smile and good mood are the best way to be for it always desired, therefore I always sincerely smile. I trust Lives! The life is fine! My future is light and it is fine!»

In case of the authoritative control of a phrase can be a little bit others: «Each person is the divine creation having the right to any choice. I trust my favourite! I allow it to live how it will want to it! I know, that she has already chosen me, that is I — the best for it. I know, that my smile and good mood are the best way to be for it to the most favourite, therefore I always sincerely smile. I trust Lives! I trust my favourite! Our future is light and it is fine!».

It is necessary to repeat these or similar positive thoughts many time. They can be written down on the computer screen in prompt then you cannot forget about them. It is possible to write them on sheets of paper and to put at itself on a desktop, in a business notebook, in a case or a bag so that they as it is possible came across to you on eyes is more often. There will pass some time (from a week about several months), and new belief will make positive impact on your life. The jealousy will leave, and instead of it you will have a feeling of heat and profound gratitude to the favourite person.

And if former thoughts at times arise nevertheless at you in a head, do not despair, and easy supersede their new, positive installations. And the result will be excellent!

What it is important to remember

1. Remember that you and your favourite person — it is primary two free persons, two free souls, at each of which the way though any interval of time they can go nearby. Therefore nobody is your property, and you are not the nobody's property. Your partner — the free person, you want it or not. You too are free, and those restrictions which you on yourselves impose, is your voluntary choice. Your partner has the right to the choice.

2. You are favourite so, how much you love yourselves. If you do not have love to your partner cannot make you more happily.

3. Start to remind itself that at you relations with the free person who near to you only because would be desirable it. Even if it your husband. Perceive it not as the property, and as kind visitor in your life (even if at you the general children).

4. If you do not have important issue in your life, there are no purposes, there is no work, there are no hobbies or a hobby, in general, that, than you would be engaged with pleasure (house duties do not undertake in calculation) find to itself this business! To begin with be engaged in everything. Otherwise your self-realisation and will end on jealousy!

5. Recollect that you the woman (man) and you can be interested representatives of an opposite sex. And not just your partner. You presume to yourselves appointment, flirtation (further who on what is ready). But not to spite of the partner, with the subsequent retelling (type: I too do not lose time!), and for the pleasure!